Betrayal

I've been on the receiving end of betrayal in the past, but that time it was me who was the traitor. Without going into details, I'll just say that I did something that I considered beneath myself - something I didn't think I would do.

I've struggled to understand my own motives for doing it. I didn't even gain anything from the act - not a single reason can be given to justify it. Was it a compulsive behavior that I'd been in denial about? Was it the result of an ongoing mental issue? Whatever the reason, it didn't change the facts of what happened. Temptation came upon me, and instead of maintaining my integrity, I caved in.

Friends were hurt. Trust was broken. What was damaged still hasn't been repaired. I confessed, apologized, and sought the forgiveness of those hurt by what I did. Consequences landed on me and I accepted them as they came. Nothing was the same, and all I can say is that I did it to myself.